Relationship Trust Quotes Biography
“When mistrust comes in, love goes out.” ~Irish saying
An old friend of mine felt betrayed by her boyfriend, but chose not to leave him. Instead, she made him pay for it over and over again.
Through subtle digs and less subtle slights, she repeatedly expressed that she felt contempt for him. But instead of forgiving or walking away, she stayed behind a wall of resentment.
Soon he started responding in kind, until their relationship became a container for mutual silent bitterness. It was two people sharing a suffocating space, overwhelmed by the weight of everything they didn’t say.
I suspect many of us can relate to that feeling of clinging to a grievance. In at least one of our relationships, we’ve felt angry and indignant, and despite wanting to forgive, we just couldn’t.
I know I’ve been there before.
It’s not easy to forget when someone breaks your trust, especially if you fear it might be broken again, but holding onto doubt is a surefire way to suffer.
Little hurts worse than the suspicion that someone else might hurt you.
This isn’t the kind of thing you can just brush off through positive thinking. You can’t make yourself feel trusting by telling yourself you should be, or rationalizing away your feelings.
The reality is it takes time and effort to trust again. It takes the courage to acknowledge how you feel and willingness from the other person to hear and honor it. It takes a mutual commitment to move beyond what happened instead of reliving and rehashing.
But most importantly, it requires you to believe in the goodness and positive intentions of the person who hurt you.
You have to believe someone can treat you with respect and consideration—even if it takes you a while to get there—or else you’ll never let your guard down. That’s a painful place to be.
The thing about being defensive is that everything becomes a battle, and no one ever wins.
Of course this doesn’t mean we can ever know for certain that someone won’t hurt us again. The only way we can know if we’re able to trust someone is by first giving them trust.
That means we need to ask ourselves: Is this relationship worth that risk?
Is it worth feeling vulnerable?
Is it worth forgiving?
Is it worth letting go of the story?
And if it’s worth it, what would it look like to give trust, starting right now?
I think it really comes down to trusting yourself. What you project and what you think? manifest. So if someone has hurt you really badly, you either have to make a decision to totally trust them again or move on. The one person that you really need to love is yourself. You have to love yourself more than anyone else and nothing is more important that your happiness and inner peace. I have to say all of our lives are just a story though and even the worst pain won't matter eventually. It's all in the moment..the pain.The pain is just a thought... I went through what I thought was a terrible betrayal at the time..but it was a gift in reality because it made me wake up to myself and realize I had never in my life trusted anyone or myself for that matter. I realized I needed to trust myself. I forgave the person and that person is now my best friend. You will always have yourself..everyone else is a projection of you. If you see the world as beautiful, bright and friendly that is the way it will be. If you see it as dark, cloudy and unfriendly that is the way it will be. Life is too short to be unhappy or feeling resentful for even for a minute. This life is truly a gift.
24 • Reply•Share ›
Gaja Angel Evelyn • 3 months ago
Loooooove what you say!! Thank you, it goes perfect with what I am feeling in this exact moment...just what I needed to read ♥
• Reply•Share ›
syk1004 • 2 years ago
Although I believe in the laws of attraction that what you project you'll receive back...sometimes the true moment of clarity is realizing that what you feel for someone is not exactly what they feel for you. And figuring out somewhat-exactly how that person loves you and the depth of that is the deciding factor to leave or stay. However, 'love' isn't always enough as when trust is broken, something fundamental is lost forever, and attaining it back can be a battle with scars and heartbreak that may not be worth the jaded bruises it leaves behind. For instance, long ago, I've stayed with a (repeatedly) cheating boyfriend believing that the vows of reformation would hold validity, hope and promise...but I know that at the end of the day, I should've walked away much earlier than I have.
19 • Reply•Share ›
Lori Deschene syk1004 • 2 years ago
I agree with you regarding the law of attraction. I think our thoughts/actions *influence* what we receive and experience, but there are other factors that come into play. Knowing when to walk away is one of the hardest things to do, but sometimes it's the best way to take care of ourselves. It took me a long time to learn this lesson!
• Reply•Share ›
Tracy • 2 years ago
Seriously are you living my life this week?? Often posts seem to come at appropriate times but this week it is downright eerie. I finally had to comment because it's like you are in my head and know precisely what issues I need addressed. For which I am extremely grateful!For my situation, in my head and deep down in my heart I know letting go is the right course of action because there is no "willingness to hear and honor" from the other person, only defensiveness and denial. But still I feel sad and guilty about giving up on someone who I once believed in and a friendship I valued.